Featured image of post Embracing Discomfort and Finding Happiness: Lessons from 'The Courage to Be Disliked'

Embracing Discomfort and Finding Happiness: Lessons from 'The Courage to Be Disliked'

As someone conscious about being disliked, especially by those I respect or look up to, this book, 'The Courage to Be Disliked' by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga resonated with me on a personal level, addressing the very anxieties that have, at times, clouded my sense of well-being. This book is based on the teachings of Alfred Adler, a renowned Austrian psychotherapist.

The fear of disappointing or falling short can sometimes make me spiral, affecting not only my actions but also my overall happiness. It’s an emotional weight that I carry, and this book offered a different perspective. While I may not be able to follow them right away, I hope these philosophies will come in handy at some point in the future.

Key Insights from the Book

Let me share a few elements from the book;

  • ā€œA healthy feeling of inferiority is not something that comes from comparing oneself to others; it comes from one’s comparison with one’s ideal selfā€. Personally, I don’t compare myself to others and say, ā€œI’m not as good as that person,ā€ but rather think, ā€œI’m not yet the person I want to be.ā€ It’s like having a goal or an ideal in my mind and feeling a bit of a push to become a better version of myself. This way, I’m not just motivated to grow and improve based on my own standards, but also feel a bit of pressure and focus on my personal journey to become the best version of ā€˜myself’. If I don’t meet the standard I set for myself, that can lead to feeling inferior, and that’s what the philosopher is talking about in this quote. However, comparing to one’s ideal self is considered to be a healthy approach.

  • ā€œThe courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked.ā€ This quote is basically the crux of the book. Being happy involves not only having the courage to feel good but also being okay with the fact that not everyone will like you. When you embrace this mindset, your connections with others become more natural and carefree, bringing a sense of lightness to your relationships. It’s about finding happiness in being true to who you are, even if it means not everyone will be a fan.

  • ā€œIf one really has a feeling of contribution, one will no longer have any need for recognition from others." This quote really resonated with me because sometimes I feel disappointed not because people don’t recognize my work, but because I don’t feel a sense of purpose. The key is finding happiness in the act, rather than wanting everyone to notice and applaud you. For me, it’s a reminder that my peace of mind comes from having a sense of purpose, not just getting approval from others. So, I agree with this idea and realize I need to focus on finding that sense of purpose to truly be at peace.

Encouragement to Explore Further

I have more to share, but I’ll pause here and encourage you to read the book. Not all ideas may align with everyone’s views, but I suggest giving it a read. Take what you find valuable to cultivate a mindset focused on your personal growth and happiness.

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