Hello all…this is mostly a review of The Anxious Achiever by Morra Aarons-Mele, but also a little bit about what I have been up to lately. 

When Anxiety Looks Like Strength

This book didn’t just resonate with me..it unsettled me a little. Not in a dramatic way, but in that way where you start recognising patterns in yourself that you’ve been living with for so long, you stopped questioning them.

I’ve always lived with anxiety in a way that looks… functional. I show up, I do my work, I take responsibility, I stay ahead of things. And for the longest time, I’ve been calling that strength. It’s only in the last couple of years that I’ve started acknowledging it and trying to understand it. This book felt like fuel to that journey, making me pause again and ask: what if some of that isn’t strength? What if it’s just fear… working really efficiently?

The Cost of Overfunctioning

There’s a part where it talks about overfunctioning and that was uncomfortable. The idea that you take on more, step in, fix things, almost act like others are an extension of you and somehow that’s what gets praised. I’ve always thought that’s what makes me dependable. But reading that it can lead to burnout, frustration and this quiet disappointment when others don’t meet expectations you never even expressed… that stayed with me. And honestly, I learnt this the hard way. Towards the end of my journey in my previous organisation…the one I just recently stepped away from, I started saying “no.” And that’s when I realised how burnt out I actually was. I hadn’t noticed it earlier, but suddenly everything felt frustrating. Everything felt heavy.

Performing vs Communicating

Another thing that shifted for me was how the book talks about communication. I’ve always felt this pressure to show up well, speak well, not mess things up…almost like I need to perform. But the book simplifies it so much: you don’t need to perform, you just need to communicate. That felt like reassurance. I’ve been learning this the hard way through my own experiences, even during my palliative care training in Hyderabad. I didn’t realise how much energy I was spending trying to be a certain way instead of just being real.

The Quiet Voice of Impostor Syndrome

And then, impostor syndrome. That constant feeling that maybe I don’t fully deserve to be where I am. Even during my transition from being a transplant coordinator to working in health communication, despite multiple promotions and roles, there’s always been that one voice saying, you’re doing okay, you should be proud… and another one quietly saying, maybe you don’t deserve this, anybody can do this.

Reading that even highly successful people feel this and still don’t internalise their success was both comforting and frustrating. But maybe… it’s okay that it doesn’t just go away.

The Five Things Towards Joy

Towards the end, the author asks a question: how do you take even one small step towards feeling okay or finding joy…when everything feels overwhelming?

And then it offers five suggestions. But they didn’t feel like giving advice. They felt like things I’ve been quietly avoiding.

Getting help when you need it, instead of trying to manage everything on your own. Getting out of your own head…which sounds simple, but when your thoughts keep looping, it’s not. Reminding yourself that you’ve gotten through things before and you probably will again (even though I only remember this on my “good” days lol). Coming back to your values…what you stand for, who you want to be. And finally… finding what brings you joy.

That last one felt the hardest. Because I don’t think I’ve prioritised joy in a long time.

In my previous role, even though I felt a strong sense of purpose, I realised I wasn’t feeling joy anymore. And that’s when I started questioning things. I remember my PG professor always saying, your workplace should feel like “yipeeee” when you go to work. And somewhere along the way, that feeling faded.

That’s when I started asking…what brings me joy?

For me, learning, growing, upgrading myself… that always did. And maybe that’s why stepping away from work to pursue my MPH felt like the right choice. It wasn’t easy…but it felt honest.

Maybe Anxiety Doesn’t Go Away…And That’s OK

Another thing the book made me sit with is this idea that anxiety may never completely go away. And that’s uncomfortable. Because I think I’ve spent a lot of time trying to “fix” myself, to be less anxious, more calm, more like the so-called “non-anxious” people. Especially when people casually say things like “don’t overthink” or “you’re always anxious.”

But the book gently shifts that perspective…it’s not about eliminating anxiety, it’s about understanding it, working with it. And that line…you don’t need to change who you are to succeed, I didn’t realise how much I needed to hear that. Because the truth is… I haven’t really changed. People know me as someone who’s quiet, sometimes socially awkward, yes…anxious. But also someone who still shows up, still does the work, still keeps going.

And towards the end, it brings everything together in a simple, powerful way…you acknowledge the fear, you take care of yourself, you lean on people, you keep going. You feel everything, but you don’t let it stop you. You feel the fear and do your thing anyway.

And that stayed with me.

Because that’s what I’ve been doing all along. Since I was in 7th grade, even before I knew what “anxiety” was. And more consciously in the last few years…learning, unlearning, trying to understand myself better. Showing up. Doing the work. Moving forward. Even when my mind is loud. Even when I doubt myself. I just never called that strength.

This book didn’t fix anything for me. But it reassured me. It reminded me that so many leaders have navigated this. It made me pause and notice things I’ve been avoiding…my patterns, my need for control, my tendency to overfunction, the way I hold back, the thoughts that feel true but maybe aren’t.

And maybe that’s where it starts. Not with fixing everything. Not with becoming someone else. Just… understanding yourself a little more honestly.

A little bit about where I am right now…

The past few weeks have been a mix of anxiety and unexpected calm. Even before quitting my job, I was anxious about being “jobless” for a few months. But lately, I’ve been visiting the BMT unit at RGGGH and ICH…not really working, just being there, meeting my mentor, interacting with my friends there, and other psychosocial and clinical teams.

That space… means a lot to me. It’s the place that humbled me, broke me and also helped me grow. It’s where I reached a low point, but also where I finally sought help and started taking my mental health seriously. Looking back, that moment changed everything. It became less about me, and more about wanting to be better…for the children and patient I work with and for.

And maybe that was my first real step…like the book says, seeking help.

Recently, as I was meeting some of my old colleagues in the Unit, they noticed things…yes, the weight loss which they were concerned about haha, but also something more, in their words ‘A glow’ …A certain clarity. A glow. Maybe even hope.

And I think that comes from working on myself. It’s not easy. Some days are still really hard. Just a couple of days ago, I felt like I was in a dark pit again. But I still functioned…even if it felt like functioning within dysfunction, lol. And some days… are just okay. And I think that’s okay.

Today, I visited the new Advanced Centre of Hemato-Oncology and Transplantation at ICH. When I used to work there, it was just an idea…something I heard about and used to imagine. But seeing it now… it felt surreal.

To have such a facility in a government hospital…the impact it can have, the number of lives it can change despite their socio-economic status…it’s incredible.

And as I walked through those corridors, even with my mind racing ahead (as it always does), I also felt something else…joy. A sense of purpose. And surprisingly, a small clarity about what I might want to focus my MPH research on (which is ironic, because that question usually gives me anxiety).

So yes, I spent the last month worrying about how I would survive being jobless for three months. But now… it feels different. It feels manageable. It feels okay. And maybe that’s enough for now.

I will still have anxiety. And that’s okay.

I’ll just have to keep working on myself,  one day at a time, one step at a time, one part of me at a time.

And maybe… that’s how I become a better version of myself. 

I hope this book with my journey being shared would help you see that you are not alone, and that it will also help you become a better version of yourself.